Barbara Alfors Coaching and Consulting

Be in choice, be aligned, know your path, know your genius.

Tired

letting go

Anyone else feeling tired? I’ve noticed lately that I’m tired.

Which seems odd, given that we’re all just staying around the house. 
But even though my household isn’t directly affected by layoffs or loss of income, we are all in this space of uncertainty. There is a huge emotional load from trying to come to terms with this idea that we aren’t in control of the larger situation, and all we can do is take care of ourselves and our loved ones, while doing anything we can to help those in crisis right now. 

There have been a lot of posts on social media about taking this time to be creative; to write that novel or create that great artwork that’s inside of you. And it’s wonderful that some people are doing just that! But it’s also okay if you aren’t.  

It’s okay to just notice how you are feeling. Notice that you are here, now. Notice which things you can control and which things you can’t. Take deep breaths and look around you; noticing what you are grateful for can help when you are ready to shift into inspiration. 

You Are Loved

We are experiencing strange times. Things may feel impossible one moment and hopeful the next. We have to sit with uncertainty, which can feel very uncomfortable. But know that through all this, you are loved.

Whether you have close friends and family who you’ve stayed connected to, or are feeling you have nobody who truly understands you, know that you are loved.

Even if you have been acting crabby or difficult through this, you are loved.

And if you are having a hard time feeling that you are loved, a great way to bring love into your life is to love more.

Love your neighbor who never brings their trash cans in. Love the supermarket checkers who may be afraid to go to work. Love the person who stole your parking space. Love the person who has different political views. Love the person who is worried about a loved one.

Love the kids in your neighborhood who can’t play with their friends. Love the parents who are struggling to work with kids at home. Love the people who have already been laid off. Love yourself; and if that feels too challenging try to love the child you once were.

This kind of love might feel awkward or uncomfortable, and if so that’s okay. But know it gets easier with practice. You might substitute “have compassion for” or “be kind to” if the word love is too big to start with.

Connecting with people is a great way to help us all get through this. Reach out to that person who may not have much of a social network. And if you are that person who feels they have nobody to reach out to, then reach out to me. I’m here for you.

Stories

This is me, in a tree.

I’m taking a business development class right now, and one of the assignments I recently had was to think about three authentic stories to tell about yourself when you introduce yourself, so that people can quickly get to know you. 
I haven’t completed the assignment yet – I’m not sure what stories I would like to tell! (Although tree climbing is a top choice.) From my own perspective it’s sometimes hard to see what others might find interesting. 

Thinking about stories also got me thinking about the old stories we hold on to that aren’t actually true. Things like “nobody wants to hear my story” or “I have to know all the answers” that aren’t true and aren’t helpful.

The neuroscience behind these kinds of beliefs is fascinating, and boils down to a couple of things. One is the idea that your brain wants to keep you safe, so it makes up all kinds of justifications for why you shouldn’t try new things because you might fail. Another is stories we made up as kids to navigate whatever might have been going on around us, and while those stories may have been useful to get through childhood they are rarely helpful once we’re adults.

What stories do you tell yourself that aren’t true? And what are your authentic stories that help people know you better?

Hi from Colorado!

Hi!

I’ve got a foot of snow in my new front yard in Denver. Quite a change from Los Angeles! We just bought a house after a year of test-driving the neighborhood, and so far we’re loving it.

I’ve been reflecting a lot on changes – more to come! (One big change; I’ve now got my ACC, which is the Associate Certified Coach from the International Coach Federation. Yay!)

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