Barbara Alfors Coaching and Consulting

Be in choice, be aligned, know your path, know your genius.

Tag: Mindfulness

Have you met your wise inner adult? 

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a wise adult who you could alway rely on for great advice or support? 

We often hear the voice of our inner critic, telling us we aren’t doing things right or other discouraging commentary. We might even have some core beliefs that are based on this perspective of the inner critic. Or we follow the voice of our inner child, who often just says “I don’t wanna! You can’t make me!” But we also all have a wise inner adult. 

Some of us are easily in touch with our inner adult when taking care of commitments for others, but that voice is harder to hear when managing commitments to ourselves. For others, it’s the opposite, and for a blessed few the voice is always there! When we slow down and connect with our inner selves, we have a better chance of hearing the voice of our own wise adult. 

My wise adult knows that daily meditation would be great for me; but my inner child says “you can’t make me!” 

Shifting our inner dialogue so that we can hear the wise adult more loudly than the inner critic or child takes time and practice. It starts with noticing when we hear those voices, and labeling them so we can identify them more easily next time. Often the voice of the inner critic is based on a belief we have; once we can identify the voice we can start to identify the belief. For example, my inner critic might say, “only someone stupid couldn’t figure this out” when the wise choice would be to reach out for support. The underlying belief is that I should be able to do everything on my own, which is not very helpful when learning new things. 

Beliefs are tricky things. We believe any number of things that we don’t realize. When we need that support or advice from our wise adult, we might first ask ourselves what beliefs we have that are relevant to the situation. 

When something is challenging you in your life, what voice do you hear? Does that voice encourage or discourage you? 


If you would like to explore how to brighten your path, or are just curious about coaching, contact me to schedule a complimentary discovery session.

Being vs Doing

snow on blue spruce

It’s snowing today, the day after Labor Day. 

Which seems like a good opportunity to reflect; the snow always invites quiet and reflection and calm. I’ve been thinking about being vs doing, and what that might look like. 

The idea of ‘just being’ can be challenging. Just existing in the moment and accepting that you are here, now. There’s nothing you need to do, no particular way you need to feel. Letting go and allowing this to happen might even feel scary! But giving ourselves a break from the ‘doing’ can make such a difference in our lives! 

It’s the reason writers might go on a retreat and isolate themselves; having space to ‘just be’ is often necessary to the creative process. And we all can benefit from that creative mind space. 

How will you ‘just be’ today? 


If you would like to explore how to brighten your path, or are just curious about coaching, contact me to schedule a complimentary discovery session.

Loving Kindness Meditation

Years ago I attended a day-long meditation class (part of the childbirth class I was taking), and one of the things we did was lovingkindness meditation.  I find it very helpful for dealing with stress and stressful people.

Here’s how you do it:  first, find a quiet place to sit where you won’t be interrupted.  Then you traditionally use four people to focus on; first yourself, then a loved one (a pet, your baby, your S.O., etc), then a neutral person (someone you don’t know well, like a supermarket checker or the mail carrier, or someone at work), then a difficult person (start with an easy difficult person…), then all living things. 

For each of these, you repeat these phrases (out loud or to yourself), or something similar that works for you: 
    May I be safe and free from harm. 
    May I be healthy.
    May I be truly happy.    
    May I love myself unconditionally.      


For the other people, visualize them in front of you, and say the phases to them. Start with someone close, then someone neutral, then a difficult person:
    May you be safe and free from harm.
    May you be healthy.
    May you be truly happy.
    May you love yourself unconditionally.  


For all beings, reach out to the world and say this:
    May all beings be safe and free from harm.
    May all beings be healthy.
    May all beings be truly happy.
    May all beings love themselves unconditionally.  


Here are some other versions with more instructions:
http://www.beliefnet.com/Health/2000/07/Opening-The-Heart.aspx 
https://soundcloud.com/insightla_meditation/36-minute-guided-lovingkindness-metta-meditation-with-trudy-goodman

One thing to remember is that you can only start from where you are, so don’t worry if it feels fake or uncomfortable, or if you can’t imagine these things being true.  This is about setting an intention for what you would like to happen.  

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