Barbara Alfors Coaching and Consulting

Be in choice, be aligned, know your path, know your genius.

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Colorado Coaching Collective – Summer 2020

The Colorado Coaching Collective is extending our offer!

If you feel like you need some support to deal with 2020–please reach out to a coach in the Colorado Coaching Collective. We can provide a listening ear, help you sort out your options, get clear on what matters most, and create a solid action plan. You’ll walk away with clarity, peace of mind, and confidence. Completely confidential and complimentary!

Please see flyer below for details.

Colorado Coaching Collective June Update
Colorado Coaching Collective June Update

Centering Techniques

There are many ways to think of centering; the way I like to think of it is coming to a place of listening to your own wise self. When you are centered, you are able to think more clearly, make better decisions, and avoid creating unnecessary conflicts.  

Here are a few ways to practice centering. This is called a practice because it works best if you keep repeating it to build new neural pathways (see my centering resources post). 

  1. Noticing your Breath
    The easiest way for me to center myself in most situations is to focus on my breath. This can be done in many ways;
         a. put your hand on your heart or stomach and notice the rise and fall of your chest or stomach as you breathe
         b. focus on the difference of temperature of the air as it goes in and out of your nostrils
         c. imagine the breath filling every part of your body as you inhale
         d. imagine you are breathing in from the bottom of your feet, and exhaling out the top of your head (or the reverse)
  2. Imagery or Visualization
    Focusing on a favorite image is another way to get centered. This can be an actual picture or artwork, or an imagined image or place. One way to select this image is to imagine yourself beautifully calm and peaceful, and pick an image that you connect with this feeling.
  3. Touch
    A simple method of centering using touch is to rub your thumb and forefinger together with such delicate attention that you can feel the fingerprints on both thumb and forefinger. This method has the advantage of being accessible in almost any situation. (From Shirzad Chamine)
  4. Keywords or Mantra
    Words are a good way to connect to center for some people, and a powerful mantra, key word, or inspirational phrase may help us to counteract the voice of the inner critic, and instead build neural pathways that focus on more positive feelings. One method of finding a powerful mantra for yourself is to think of the voice of your inner critic in a stressful situation, and find a phrase to neutralize that critical voice. For example, if your inner critic often tells you that you are weak, a good phrase might be “I am strong.” Writing the phrase down and putting it someplace you will see it often, like a sticky note on a bathroom mirror, can help you to remember to come back to this phrase. Repeat it often so it will be available in your brain when needed. 
  5. Noticing and Naming Thoughts and Emotions
    A mindfulness practice involves noticing and naming your thoughts and emotions, and this can be very useful in bringing ourselves to center. We have thoughts running through our minds constantly, and most of these are either a distraction or from one of the critical inner voices. We cannot stop these voices and thoughts, but we can take their power by simply naming them as they arise. This can be as simple as “I had a thought” and visualizing it floating by in the breeze, or in a river. Not being attached to our thoughts can help us stay focused on what is important. 
  6. Somatic Practice – Using Posture 
    Amy Cuddy has a famous Ted talk about the power of posture, and she specifically uses the Wonder Woman posture as an example of how to feel more powerful. We can also use posture to feel more grounded; you can experiment with this yourself and find the posture that works best for you. Typically this will be an upright, standing posture where you feel your weight upon the earth and your head being pulled gently upwards. 
  7. Relating to Others
    If you notice you are reacting poorly to the words or energy of another person, you can imagine that person as a child and imagine feeling love and empathy for that child. (From Shirzad Chamine)
  8. LovingKindness Meditation
    The LovingKindness meditation is a wonderful practice, especially if you are having trouble relating to a specific person. See explanation here. 

Favorite Resources

I always love to share resources that I find useful. Below are some of my favorite blogs, mindfulness resources, podcasts, and other resources. I will be adding more to the list periodically, so keep checking in!

I get Eric Barker’s newsletter, and I always find it compelling. Recently he wrote of reframing (here), where you set your expectations for things to go wrong to avoid that victim feeling of ‘nothing’s going right!’ and put you into resilience instead. Eric’s book “Barking up the Wrong Tree” is also highly recommended. 
Eric Barker:

Susan David, a psychologist at Harvard Medical School, and proponent of evidenced-based psychology, has a podcast out now that explores how we deal with heightened emotions. Her book “Emotional Agility” addresses how to make everyday choices with more intention and insight.

Susan David  Emotional Agility quiz:

Brené Brown started a new podcast in 2020 ( Her work on vulnerability is well known to coaches, and is such a gift. Highly recommended. 

Brené Brown

I took my beginning mindfulness classes from Insight LA. Currently (April 2020) all of their offerings are online.  Insight LA (mindfulness classes)  classes:

A beautiful meditation I learned at Insight LA:  Lovingkindness Meditation

Using our Conscious Minds

white clematis flowers

I’m working on a presentation on centering for a women’s professional group here in Denver, and as I was gathering my research I came across a version of this statement:

An estimated 95% of our choices, behaviors, feelings, reactions, and decisions are made non-consciously.

Being somewhat fact-driven, I attempted to look this up and only found references to Gerald Zaltman, a Harvard professor, and his work on purchasing. And I found a discussion about how there’s no way to really measure cognition, but the 95% figure sounds reasonable based on all the things our brains are doing. This quote was particularly interesting:

“Consciousness appears to be a way to monitor and share the choices we make unconsciously. All the work to make most decisions is made before conscious awareness. The 95% is the actual cognitive effort of making decisions. The 5% is making up a story of why the decision was made.”

– John Light on Quora

So what does this mean in a practical sense? We operate mostly from the shortcuts that our brains have developed over the years, and we may not be making the best decisions or having the best reactions as a result. We have ingrained stories and beliefs that often are mostly untrue, and we base our actions on these stories.

And how do we change this? By developing awareness, and noticing when we are basing our reactions or decisions on reasons we haven’t fully processed.

I will be posting a resource list from my centering presentation and more info on how to use centering to develop awareness, so keep an eye out!

If you would like to explore how to brighten your path, or are just curious about coaching, contact me to schedule a complimentary discovery session.

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