Barbara Alfors Coaching and Consulting

Be in choice, be aligned, know your path, know your genius.

Author: Barbara Alfors Page 1 of 6

Have you met your wise inner adult? 

Wouldn’t it be nice to have a wise adult who you could alway rely on for great advice or support? 

We often hear the voice of our inner critic, telling us we aren’t doing things right or other discouraging commentary. We might even have some core beliefs that are based on this perspective of the inner critic. Or we follow the voice of our inner child, who often just says “I don’t wanna! You can’t make me!” But we also all have a wise inner adult. 

Some of us are easily in touch with our inner adult when taking care of commitments for others, but that voice is harder to hear when managing commitments to ourselves. For others, it’s the opposite, and for a blessed few the voice is always there! When we slow down and connect with our inner selves, we have a better chance of hearing the voice of our own wise adult. 

My wise adult knows that daily meditation would be great for me; but my inner child says “you can’t make me!” 

Shifting our inner dialogue so that we can hear the wise adult more loudly than the inner critic or child takes time and practice. It starts with noticing when we hear those voices, and labeling them so we can identify them more easily next time. Often the voice of the inner critic is based on a belief we have; once we can identify the voice we can start to identify the belief. For example, my inner critic might say, “only someone stupid couldn’t figure this out” when the wise choice would be to reach out for support. The underlying belief is that I should be able to do everything on my own, which is not very helpful when learning new things. 

Beliefs are tricky things. We believe any number of things that we don’t realize. When we need that support or advice from our wise adult, we might first ask ourselves what beliefs we have that are relevant to the situation. 

When something is challenging you in your life, what voice do you hear? Does that voice encourage or discourage you? 


If you would like to explore how to brighten your path, or are just curious about coaching, contact me to schedule a complimentary discovery session.

Being vs Doing

snow on blue spruce

It’s snowing today, the day after Labor Day. 

Which seems like a good opportunity to reflect; the snow always invites quiet and reflection and calm. I’ve been thinking about being vs doing, and what that might look like. 

The idea of ‘just being’ can be challenging. Just existing in the moment and accepting that you are here, now. There’s nothing you need to do, no particular way you need to feel. Letting go and allowing this to happen might even feel scary! But giving ourselves a break from the ‘doing’ can make such a difference in our lives! 

It’s the reason writers might go on a retreat and isolate themselves; having space to ‘just be’ is often necessary to the creative process. And we all can benefit from that creative mind space. 

How will you ‘just be’ today? 


If you would like to explore how to brighten your path, or are just curious about coaching, contact me to schedule a complimentary discovery session.

Resilience and Neuroscience

I’ve been a proponent of mindfulness practices for years now, and I believe they are truly useful in making our lives go more smoothly.
I took a webinar the other day that explained why! The prefrontal cortex (PFC), which controls our higher-level thinking, has limited capacity. This is the part of the brain that manages emotions and refocuses attention. When we are using our limbic system for thinking, we are overly reactive and don’t use that higher-level thinking. (The limbic system contains the amygdala, which you may be familiar with from the term “amygdala hijack.”) 

So how do we build our capacity for higher level thinking and managing emotions? Mindfulness practices! 
And how do we connect to the higher level thinking of our prefrontal cortex? Mindfulness again! 

How does all this connect to resilience? We can think of resilience as the ability to recover after an upset, so having greater capacity to manage our emotions can help us recover more quickly. 

It seems that most people have a hard time keeping a regular mindfulness practice (myself included!), so learning about how it expands our capacity for managing emotions is a useful motivation for me! 

I’ve got some mindfulness resources here;  and I found this article on resilience and brain plasticity interesting as well:  https://thebestbrainpossible.com/neuroscience-resilient-brain-stress/ .  If you’re interested in the different parts of the brain, this is a good read: https://www.therevisionist.org/reviews/role-of-prefrontal-cortex-in-cognitive-function/


If you would like to explore how to brighten your path, or are just curious about coaching, contact me to schedule a complimentary discovery session.

How Will Transformation Look for You?

feeling the joy of dancing on an empty beach

Are you ready for a shift?

Maybe you’d like to start small; taking on a new challenge or building your resilience. Or you might be ready for a major change, either in your career or in your life. 

How will transformation look for you? What will your life be like? Just imagine for a moment; when you are able to move forward how will your life be different? Let’s take away what’s holding you back.

We all need a champion to support us through changes. Give yourself permission to take the next step. Gain the clarity to move ahead in life instead of letting questioning, uncertainty, doubt drain your energy. 

If you would like to explore how to brighten your path, or are just curious about coaching,  contact me to schedule a complimentary discovery session.

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